Archive for December, 2007
Oh, Fax Machine, Oh Fax Machine
How lovely are your copies.
“I tried my best to be festive”, bemoaned the abandoned Epson, “Hey, my buttons twinkle! I even jammed a staple in my feeder so the copies would come out as paper snowflakes.”
Sadly, the friendly family copier lacked the requisite pine scent and was therefore dethroned from the living room window.
“I hate that beeping* tree”
*Not a synonym for an explitive. The copier actually uses beeps as derogatory adjectives.
Add comment December 19, 2007
Just a few items that you can expect me to make this holiday season:
Eggnog Martinis
Hot Rumbas
Eric’s homemade biscuits (Counter Café recipe)
Egg, Bacon, Chedder, Onion, Lettuce, Tomato, 9grain bread, sandwiches
Prosciutto wrapped asparagus
Homemade fortune cookies, dipped in chocolate, with Shakespeare inside them!
And many more edible delights….just have to check my mother’s Gourmet magazines (someone should put them to use)
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Funny Foodie Story:
Last week I was at an Xmas party that had a divine selection of cheeses displayed for consumption. I liberally spread a stone wheat cracker with a creamy soft cheese and chomped it up in one bite.
“MMMMM-hhmmmm. So creamy, and delectably salty. This cheese is so good, it tastes just like butter!” I exclaimed to my food-table neighbors.
“Oh, yeah? Well, it is.” Said the host.
“Butter? Its butter? Mmmmm-hmmm, good butter!”
Add comment December 18, 2007
Beauty Queen of Brunch
Daniel, the contractor. Steak (medium rare) and Eggs (basted). 9:45
Me: I remember you. You’ve been in before right?
Him: You remember me? I shaved my beard off. I certainly remember you.
Me: I remember you because when I asked ‘how are you’ you said, ‘better now, darling’.
Him: That’s right! Well its the same today, I’m doing better now that I’m talking to you.
Me: Enjoy your breakfast.
(30 minutes later)
Him: So, you want to take off for the rest of the day and come with me?
Me: No, thanks.
Him: Okay then, I’ll ask you again next weekend!
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Mario, from Germany. Veggie burger with fries. TALL. Very tall. 11:37am
Him: I’m not hitting on you, but I just have to say that you are so beautiful. So beautiful that I just had to tell you.
Me: Guh. Ha. Umnmn, I’m flattered. That’s very nice of you to say, thank you.
Him: Maybe I am hitting on you.
Me: Would you like more coffee?
(I depart. He starts talking to the woman next to him. He departs after paying his bill. I approach to take her order).
Me: What would you like?
Her: That man was talking to me about how beautiful you are.
Me: Guh, hmn. uh. Yeah.
Her: Pancakes, please.
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Good Flow Orange Juice Delivery Man 12:47pm
Him: You always have a smile on your face! So lovely to see you.
Me: Nice to see you too. Its windy outside, I hope you’re staying warm! (I depart).
Sean: How much do we owe you?
Him: $40.55. Is she single?
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My co-workers have dubbed me the beauty queen of brunch.
I think anyone who brings you coffee, mimosas, and organic eggs in the morning qualifies for the title.
Add comment December 15, 2007
Darkness/Light/Darkness
Wikipedia entry:
Jan Švankmajer (born 4 September 1934 in Prague) is a Czech surrealist artist. His work spans several media. He is known for his surreal animations and features, which have greatly influenced other artists such as Tim Burton, Terry Gilliam, The Brothers Quay and many others.
Švankmajer has gained a reputation over several decades for his distinctive use of stop-motion technique, and his ability to make surreal, nightmarish and yet somehow funny pictures. He is still making films in Prague at the time of writing.
Švankmajer’s trademarks include very exaggerated sounds, often creating a very strange effect in all eating scenes. He often uses very sped-up sequences when people walk and interact. His movies often involve inanimate objects coming alive and being brought to life through stop-motion. Food is a favourite subject and medium. Stop-motion features in most of his work, though his feature films also include live action to varying degrees.
A lot of his movies, like the short film Down to the Cellar, are made from a child’s perspective, while at the same time often having a truly disturbing and even aggressive nature.
Today he is one of the most celebrated animators in the world. His best known works are probably the feature films Alice (1988), Faust (1994), Conspirators of Pleasure (1996), Little Otik (2000) and Lunacy (2005), a surreal comic horror based on the work of Edgar Allan Poe and the Marquis de Sade. Also famous (and much imitated) is the short Dimensions of Dialogue (1982), which shows Arcimboldo-like heads gradually reducing each other to bland copies (“exhaustive discussion”); a clay man and woman who dissolve into one another sexually, then quarrel and reduce themselves to a frenzied, boiling pulp (“passionate discourse”); and two elderly clay heads who extrude various objects on their tongues (toothbrush and toothpaste; shoe and shoelaces, etc.) and use them in every possible combination, sane or otherwise (“factual conversation”). His films have been called “as emotionally haunting as Kafka’s stories[1].”
He was married to Eva Švankmajerová, an internationally known surrealist painter, ceramicist and writer until her death in October of 2005. She collaborated on several of his movies including Faust, Otesánek and Alice. They had two children, Veronika and Václav.
1 comment December 11, 2007
Fisheyes
When I was a child I thought fish could live in shower pipes.
They spied on me while I bathed.
Their opalescent eyes stared from the drain holes,
blinking upward at my little bum.
Add comment December 10, 2007
